Anyway, I’m in order now … first on the agenda …. Do I love me mentally? Of Course, with conviction, kompormi sa kausap …. Opppsss, sounds like I’m still not, let’s try again ….
Let me categorize my answer, LOL!
Education wise, from prep to grade school, I’m proud to say I’m a consistent honor pupil, but when I reached high school, I can remember my mom cried a river in front of our principal not to sent me home … yaks, nakakahiya talaga ako nun, I was punished to do community service for trying marijuana at the girls dormitory … marami naman kami ang saya Teh…. I spent 5 years in college that includes my shifting and dropping of courses and finished BSDevCom, di nga lang Cum Laude. Masters? Straight 1.0 stude. 46 units. Done.
The true state of my mental address … somewhere between sane and insane.
But seriously, on a larger picture, every SAHM have their share of sanity and insanity, both objective and subjective, especially we women are vulnerable to these circumstances for the obvious reason that we have our imbalances every month, and I see more of these when we get to the point of hot flashes and mood swings. I hope GT will still be there as our venue to air our rants and raves on our whys, whats, hows and everything along that line.
We are not machines that are as good only as the wo/men who operates them, but we are women driven with complex feelings, attitudes, circumstances and above all our emotions, fluctuating like our electricity now …. LOL!
But on a more personal level, living with in laws is one of the most excruciating experience a woman can go through; marrying an unico hijo is another one. We move in my MIL’s house after my FIL died in 2000, since my husband is the only begotten son, he has to take responsibility over his family’s concern, I wonder why he said that when he only has his mother left, no sisters no brothers. We had a major fight then, letting your husband choose between his mother and his family of procreation was the most crazy thing I have ever done, and deciding not to build a house of our own and inherit this house set on a 700sqm lot is the most erroneous decision I have ever made, I’d rather have a nipa hut. But I accepted it with tears in my eyes. I guess I’ll be stuck in this situation forever not unless I decide to leave and live on my own or wait for my MIL to finally bid goodbye in this world, (this just show we’re not in good terms with my MIL) but gee, why do mothers have that so much attachment with our children. I can’t drag my children to suffer with me …. When I see them sleeping at night, I’m sorry are the words that often comes out of my mouth, well, I’ve no suicidal instinct, I’m still sane not to end my life that way, I want mine to be quick and painless. LOL!
So there, ang haba na Teh….
Do I love me mentally, I’m not sure.